Monday, August 12, 2013

A God Sized Dream. 5/30/09

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church (me) and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)
In the past, I have always prided myself on being a realist. I would always look at life...situations exactly as they were...nothing more and nothing less. I never dreamed for more or imagined my life to be more than what was right there in front of me. Life was what it was: Work (a lot), school , maintain a dating relationship...people failed me. I failed. My brother died. Just the way it was. I was who I was, and I accepted me...with all of my confusion with open arms as unchangeable.
Dreaming was for people who had their head in the clouds... who didn't live in the now...

The Lord has been taking me on a journey. As I have been on this journey, I have realized that my "realism" was more of a cop-out...a defense mechanism to protect me from the things life throws at you. I had decided that you might as well expect the worst...Then, if things worked out, I would be pleasantly surprised, but when things didn't work out, God didn't come through. I wouldn't be disappointed. It was a way to protect my heart but an awful way to live...always living with an impending doom.

Well, this journey has taken me many places. I have found many roots to this deep issue of my heart. The deepest being fear. What if God doesn't come through? What if I get my hope up, and it all falls apart? Events of my past kept me from moving forward in hope: Praying desperately for my brother's life to be spared only to find out he was already gone, etc.

Nonetheless, somewhere along the lines...I chose to stop dreaming for my future...dreaming of the amazing things God had for me. I lived in fear.

This journey came to a head a couple of years ago, as I attended an encounter weekend at my church. The Lord gently showed me this issue in my life and uprooted it. For the first time since being a child, I had a hope. It was as if a veil had been lifted...I was seeing my circumstances, my life in a whole new light. I was able to dream again.

As I approached infertility and eventually this past week of bad news, this ordinarily would have been a confirmation of my way of thinking..."See...things never work out for you. Bad things will follow you wherever you go." If I hadn't been set free two years ago, I am not sure where I would be...what I would be thinking now.

Life has not turned out how I had expected it to. My dreams have not panned out as I had expected. One of my earliest dreams was to be a mom. I think I dreamed of being a mom before I dreamed of anything else. As we have had bad news after bad news, I feel like I have put my dreaming on pause. I used to go to thrift clothes here and there for my babies...dream of what they will look like...what their names will be. Somewhere in all of this I pushed the pause button on my dreams.

It just hurt to much to dream. By dreaming, I was putting so much on the line. You is a huge risk to dream. You are risking disappointment...heartache.

I am feeling a tug on my heart to dream again...not just dream...but dream God-sized dreams. You see when you place you hope in will not be disappointed. I believe this with all of my heart (Romans 5:5). God wants to partner with me in my dreaming. My dreams may no longer look like the dreams of my childhood, but right now, before me...I have an opportunity to Dream...dream Big.

I am dreaming about my children. You see...God is designing my children right now for Brian and me. He knows Brian and I will have the honor of raising them. I am praying bold prayers that my children will be priestly....set apart for a holy purpose...used in magnificent ways.
I am dreaming that my children will look like us...why not? God is their doesn't matter whose body they come from.
I am dreaming for a new that preferably can fit our children :)
I am dreaming for a marriage that is daily growing towards Jesus (that dream is already coming true).
I am dreaming of how God is going to make it possible for us to adopt, financially.

I am dreaming for a miracle...a God sized dream. You see...a dream isn't a God sized dream unless it is physically impossible for us to achieve on our own.
A miracle must involve an act of God.

Bring on the Miracles!

As I was praying the other day, the Lord showed me a vivid picture of a lion...of me being that lion.

"35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 
You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,
you will receive what he has promised.
37For in just a very little while, 

He who is coming will come and will not delay. 
38But my righteous one will live by faith. 
And if he shrinks back, 
I will not be pleased with him."39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who believe and are saved."

Hebrews 10:35-39.

I have never seen a lion shrink back from their enemy. They stand strong, bold, courageous in the face of a challenge, and they do not back down.

I will not back down. I will not shrink back. I will live by Faith.

It is time to dream again...dream alongside God...a God-Sized Dream.

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