Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled) 2/27/11

Banksy in Boston: Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled)

I was perusing Facebook the other day, and I stumbled upon this artwork.
It struck a bit too close to home.
Follow Your Dreams...with a big old cancelled sign plastered across.

We dream from the time we are little.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a wife.
When reality hits, I am a pretty mediocre wife.
Self-centered at best.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a teacher.
When reality hits, teaching is challenging.
You give your life for a group of kids with little return.

When I was little, I dreamt of having a beautiful home, decorated to a tee.
When reality hits, everything costs money, and we don't have much.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a mother...
This is the one that hurts the most.
When reality hits, I am infertile.
I can't have children.

Sometimes reality bites.
Sometimes it feels as if all hell is against me seeing my dreams fulfilled.
The enemy comes full throttle, head on, full frontal attack.
Against what?
My dreams.

Satan desires to single hand idly kill my dreams.
You see there is a reason God gives children the ability to dream untamed.
When I was little, nothing could stop me from seeing my dreams made true.
I was certain my dreams would come to fruition,
no matter the enormity...
I would see it happen.

When I was little,
I wanted to grow up to be a cartoon.
No joke.
A cartoon.
I always though cartoons looked so cuddly and sweet,
and well, I wanted to be one.
Why not?
I believed with all my heart that one day.
I would be a little Wilma Flinstone
with Pebbles and Bam Bam babies following close behind.
Ridiculous.
I know,
but I dreamt without reserve.
Some might call this naivety.

I call it a gift.
God innately puts the ability to dream big in the hearts of his children.
God's dream for my life is limitless.
He sees the big picture.
I do not.

When I look at my life, I see my circumstances.
I see a woman...
Going on 5 years of waiting to become a mother.
realizing she has a lot to learn.
often times working hard to get a step ahead...just to be brought two steps back.

This week Brian had an emergency appendectomy.
So...you know that adoption fund we've been working so hard to build up.
Well, we can say goodbye to a big chunk of that.
two steps back.

"Reality" is a constant enemy to my dreams.
I look around me.
Look at my circumstances, and it all seems so far off.
BUT.

God's word says,
"walk by faith not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
I'm thinking I need to close my eyes more often.
Tell the waves around me to shut it.
Keep one foot in front of another.

Walking by faith, not by sight.

WHEN I walk through the fires, He will be there waiting for me.
I will not be burned
I will not be set ablaze.
When I pass through the waters,
He will be with me.
When I pass through the rivers of life,
I will not be swept away.
Isaiah 43:2

Life has been a bit tumultuous lately.

I have been fragile.
Struggling to believe the best.
Wanting to give up on dreaming.

Although my dreams may seem far off,
I have to buckle down.
Close my eyes.
Dream like a child
and continue on.