Monday, August 12, 2013
On Roller Coasters. 4/25/09
Roller Coasters used to scare the tar nation out of me. When we would go to amusement parks as kids, it was always a fight waiting to happen. My dad and brother LOVED them, and I did not even want to watch people ride them. There was always tears and much pressure to ride, but I would not get in that line. I remember being so terrified of them that my stomach literally hurt even thinking about riding them. Seriously...why would someone allow themselves to be strapped into a moving machine that was going to drop you and spin you upside down and all around...No thank you.
It took a long while before I would even try a roller coaster. I believe it was the beginning of high school, where I went on my first roller coaster. It was at the fair of all places, and I remember nearly barfing in line. I laughed, cried my entire way through the crazy ride. Note to self: Fair rides are not the best rides...in fact, they are a bit sketchy.
Anywho... I slowly started to warm up to roller coasters. I even began to enjoy them. Until just recently I wouldn't go on roller coasters that dropped me. I would much rather be turned upside down briefly than dropped. I do not enjoy being dropped, but I have slowly come to enjoy this as well.
Side Note: I realize that me not enjoying the dropping sensation is a total control issue. I do not like the feeling of being out of control, and this definitely gives it to me. At least when you go upside down, you are only discombobulated for a moment. End Side Note...
Well, Life has felt a lot like a roller coaster in this last season of my life. A roller coaster that has been thrusting me forward at an unheard speed...feeling very out of control. All the while, I hold on for dear life, screaming, "Please....for the Love of everything that is good and beautiful... let me off of this freakin' ride!" Yet, the ride has not stopped...In fact, it has become more intense. This week has been a week of drops...back to the drops. Remember what I said earlier? Yah...me and the drops. We are not BFFs (Best Friends...). Today, I found out that the health insurance referral did not go through. Yesterday, I was racking my brain trying to figure out what to do, if I have no job next year (if the school doesn't make it). If I have no job, I have to find a job, so we can live in the amazing house we live in. (Not even thinking about the thousands in medical bills and the tens of thousands we may have to put out to have a baby/adopt). We all know what the job market looks like about now! Wednesday, I found out 2 more people in my small group are preggo...making the grand total 5!
Side Note: I am super stoked about these pregnancies...just more reminders that I am not pregnant myself and may never be. End Side Note.
So yes.. this week = intense portion of the roller coaster for me. I have tried to close my eyes and pretend it's not all happening, but the drop comes. Reality hits. Feeling is inevitable, and I am left screaming again..." Can't I just get off!"
It's got me thinking though. Maybe this is how life is meant to be. When we sign up to follow Jesus, we sign up for a roller coaster. His word teaches that this is the best ride...beats the socks off of Six Flags or Knotts Berry Farm. Flashback to my early childhood...remember how I hated roller coasters. It took me time to enjoy them. I am realizing that this roller coaster that I am on of life is much like this. It's taking me a while to enjoy the ride.
I am realizing that is real life...joy, peace...is found when you learn to enjoy the ride. When I am able to relax enough...be ok enough with being out of control, I am even able to enjoy this dips. One of the blessings of dips is that there is always a hill after them. When you get to the top, the view is the best part of the ride.
I know there is a season for everything...I know that this too shall soon pass. God will show up. He will be glorified through my roller coaster ride of a life. In the meantime, I need to start enjoying the ride. Laugh at the dips, knowing that the lowest points are leading me up to my highest points... and the view from those high points...breath taking.